The Great House of Snarfari – Epic (Or Not?) Tales of a Noob Playing Crusader Kings II

Earlier on this year, I was introduced to Crusader Kings II. I have played a few times since, but I must say, this run I will be sharing with you today was, by far, the most successful – and dare I say the most enjoyable. I decided to play in Denmark at the very beginning of the early middle ages, (with all the settings historically accurate, why would you have Aztecs invading Europe?! Why?!?!). I also decided I would be creating my own faction, customising the Danish king to my liking because VikingGalGeekHistorianHasObsessionProblems… So this is how I ended with a 16-year-old queen that no one liked…To begin with.

The reason why I said this has been my most successful run of the game is not because of an incredible score (I think I ended around the 5000 something, borderline 6000 prestige points, which I guess wasn’t terrible. Actually in comparison to the noble family that you are given as a point of reference from history, it seemed fair considering that at this stage I didn’t have a clue of what the hell I was actually doing!). I am saying this has been my better game because the ones I have played since have been utterly disastrous, even though I now technically understand how the game works better…

Just so you get an idea: straight after the Snarfari household, I played with Venice, a small faction in the Indian continent right on the edge of the Himalayas, the Nubians, and with the Turkmen which is my current game. Well, the Venetian princess was hated by everyone, and died like 30 mins into the game. My Indian Princess was rocking: people loving her despite being a supporter of an Indian religious sect with not many followers, getting along just fine with the nobles, cash in the chests like a beast, giving birth to two daughters with no complications, tiger hunting, repelling a much bigger army attacking from the south pretty much at the beginning of the game. What happened? One day she caught a cough…and her bloody healer who had been great until then, screwed up the remedy, so she dies of a freaking hardcore pneumonia, 1 month before the eldest child would be of age and capable of ruling… The Nubians were okay until a massive muslim invasion killed my ruler and his two cousins who were successors to the throne in the same turn…The Turkmen are doing okay: they didn’t seem as angsty as the rest for having a female ruler and were quite happy with horses, and the fact I wanted tengri supremacy over those heretical christian believes coming from the West…I just haven’t enjoyed the dynamic of the horde as much as the other systems. In any case, as you see, the vast majority of my games have meant I have hardly got a few generations into the game…so by lack of other options and sheer chance these Vikings are just the best…(Aren’t they always? 😉 )

Here is the Chronicle. I have edited it down, but these are some of the best/most interesting/informative moments with regards to their epicness (or not…):

769 – This is the Chronicle of House Snarfari, in which is contained the record of its yearly fortunes, glories and difficulties.
Þrándr of Slesvig married Ingrid.
High Chieftess Eir of Sjælland married Godi Gerold.

770 – High Chieftess Eir of Sjælland held a great blot at Sjælland.

771 – Falki, the firstborn son, was born to High Chieftess Eir of Sjælland.

772 – A goat with three heads was born in Slesvig.

773 – In Sjælland, the people celebrated the benevolent rule of High Chieftess Eir.

774 – A dragon was seen in the county of Jylland.

775 -High Chieftess Eir of Sjælland went to war against Geir of Rogaland.
High Chieftess Eir of Sjælland lost the battle of Sjælland against the army of Rogaland, commanded by Geir of Rogaland.
The army of High Chieftess Eir of Sjælland, commanded by Ingemar, was victorious in the battle of Vestfold against the armies of Rogaland.
High Chieftess Eir of Sjælland died comatose in bed on 18 December, 775. Her son, Falki, succeeded to the throne of the Jarldom with a grand ceremony in Sjælland Tribe.

A star fell from the sky in Slesvig, killing three cows.

…As you can see my death soared the gods, for the Allfather made this star incident signify my passing…

782 – A strange plague killed thousands of wild rabbits in the county of Slesvig.

783 – In Sjælland, the people celebrated the benevolent rule of Jarl Falki.

784 – An uncommonly great number of children were born this year in Slesvig.

Prosperity…people embracing each other in the cold Scandinavian nights…

792 – A ten feet tall woman was crucified in the county of Skåne. (WOT?!)

797 – Sjælland was attacked by the Norse realm of Agder, ruled by Valdemar.
Jarl Falki of Sjælland tried but failed to imprison Valdemar of Agder, causing him to come out in open rebellion.
The army of Jarl Falki of Sjælland, commanded by Eirikr, was victorious in the battle of Telemark against the armies of Agder.

798 – Asa, the firstborn daughter, was born to Jarl Falki of Sjælland.
Rögnvaldr, the firstborn son, was born to Jarl Falki of Sjælland.
Valdemar of Agder lost the war against Jarl Falki of Sjælland.

…His wife clearly liked him winning these battles and being such a good king…

825 – King Falki of Sjælland won the war against Hysing of Blekinge.
Falki Snarfari usurped the Chiefdom of Skåne from Hysing Skjöldung.

829 – King Falki of Sjælland died of severe stress on 20 January, 829. His son, Rögnvaldr, succeeded to the throne of the Jarldom with a grand ceremony in Halland Tribe.

King Rögnvaldr of Sjælland held a great blot at St. George’s Channel.
King Rögnvaldr of Sjælland raised a runestone in honor of his father, King Falki.
The army of King Rögnvaldr of Sjælland, commanded by Sverker av Røra, was victorious in the battle of Blekinge against the armies of Sviþjod.
Sjælland was attacked by the Saxon realm of Saxony, ruled by High Chief Wlencing.

Good Falki and his son who knew was considerably worse than his dad…and that WAS the issue…this little idiot allowed the bloody Saxons in…And from here on it goes down the hill…

830 – Jarl Rögnvaldr of Sjælland died of poor health on 2 February, 831. His son, Steinn, succeeded to the throne of the Jarldom with a grand ceremony in Sjælland Tribe.

831 – High Chief Wlencing of Saxony won the war against Jarl Steinn of Sjælland.

837 – High Chief Wlencing of Saxony, the liege Lord of Steinn, died under suspicious circumstances on 17 December, 837.

…I may have had Something to do with this…

838 – Steinn of Sjælland died of depression on 8 March, 838. His cousin, orn, succeeded to the throne of the Chiefdom with a grand ceremony in Sjælland Tribe.

…Not the best character I had, yet, I must say, never have I been more grateful for not realising that a secondary member of my dynasty was growing to be a badass…!

840 – Brynhildr, the mother of orn of Sjælland, died in battle against Fredrik of Jylland on 8 February, 840.

…With that name…

842 – orn of Sjælland lost the battle of Scania against the army of Saxony, commanded by Tolir of Scania.
orn of Sjælland lost the battle of Gelre against the army of Saxony, commanded by High Chief Ekbert of Saxony.

…ahem…

850 – orn of Sjælland won the war against Hrörekr of Slesvig ‘the Holy’.
orn Snarfari usurped the Chiefdom of Slesvig from Hrörekr Skjöldung.

851 – orn of Sjælland supported Khan Iltäbär of Baghid in war against his enemies.

Okay…he had his good moments too…

861 – Villagers saw blood raining from the sky in the county of Slesvig.

And everyone heard Slayer that day…Btw have you also noticed that Slesvig is has a lot of mysticy stuff happening there…?

867 – Ragnar, the heir of orn of Sjælland, was murdered on the orders of orn of Sjælland on 6 April, 867.
High Chief Ekbert of Saxony, the liege Lord of orn, died of Pneumonia on 10 June, 867.

868 – orn of Sjællander Revolt won the war against High Chief Theodwin of Sjælland. orn Snarfari usurped the Chiefdom of Fyn from Theodwin Theodericing.

…Good years those! Son was a brat, lord was even worse…why not, ey?!

872 – Öysteinn, the heir of orn of Sjælland, died in the dungeons of King Prendota of Pomerania on 24 November, 872.
orn of Sjælland lost the war against Count Czcibor of Slupsk.

Not so good…

874 – orn of Sjælland died of Pneumonia on 18 July, 874. He was succeeded to the throne of the Chiefdom by his Khazar son Gretrr, a committed Slavic Pagan.

Controversial! I completely forgot that my wife was foreign and my son grew under her tutelage being taught a completely different doctrine…

878 – Chief Gretrr of Sjælland converted from Slavic to Germanic.

879 – Starkaðr of Slesvig won the war against Chief Gretrr of Sjælland.
On 1 January, 879, Gretrr lost his titles, and it was decided to pass on the dynasty chronicles to Starkaðr of Slesvig.
Starkaðr of Slesvig was murdered on the orders of Gretrr Snarfari on 4 May, 879. His kinsman, Einarr, succeeded to the throne of the Chiefdom with a grand ceremony in Slesvig Tribe.

…One last chance…

887 -Einarr of Slesvig ‘the Cleansing Flame’ made peace with Jarl Arnbjörn II of Nidaros.
Einarr of Slesvig held a great blot at Slesvig.

Turns out Einarr was pretty fly (Alex would have loved that!).

913 – Einarr of Slesvig was victorious in the battle of Slesvig against the army of Nidaros, commanded by Jarl Borkvard of Nidaros.
Einarr of Slesvig managed to raise a runestone in spite of the things men said about his intellect.

Lol!!

926 – Einarr of Slesvig died of an infected wound on 23 December, 926. His son, Jedvard, succeeded to the throne of the Chiefdom with a grand ceremony in Slesvig Tribe.

931 – Jedvard of Slesvig successfully led his armies, taking Paderborn from the enemy.
Jedvard of Slesvig lost the battle of Anhalt against the army of Bohemia, commanded by King Svatopluk of Bohemia.
Jedvard of Slesvig died in the dungeons of King Svatopluk of Bohemia on 21 November, 931. His nephew, Baldr, succeeded to the throne of the Chiefdom with a grand ceremony in Slesvig Tribe.

He lasted long although tragic ending…!

937 – Baldr of Slesvig successfully led his armies, taking Groningen from the enemy.
Baldr of Slesvig successfully led his armies, taking Stavoren from the enemy.
Baldr of Slesvig lost the battle of Friesland against the army of Aquitaine, commanded by Duke Gautier of Aquitaine.

950 – Baldr of Slesvig won the war against Jarl Froði of Jylland ‘the Lewd’.
Baldr of Slesvig, through deeds and character, came to be known as Baldr ‘the Holy’.

Character Development! 😉 Suck that one up Froði ! Worst part is that they used to be bros and all… :/ one day he decided we shouldn’t be friends anymore :/

951 – Baldr of Slesvig married Bozçin, daughter of Khan Kisa of Aunusid.

Notice a trend? That may have something to do with the fact that, by this stage, everyone around me was Christian…No chance of getting them to love a pagan…So I go to my dear easterling friends for some of their finest brides…

I would just like to clarify that, although I was serious about Slesvig being weird earlier, this is just what happens when you have no other territories left…

973 – Slesvig was attacked by the Saxon realm of Jylland, ruled by Engelbert.

974 – Engelbert of Jylland won the war against Baldr of Slesvig ‘the Holy’.

And this is the end…Baldr, to his credit, held up like a boss and lasted a fair time…But it was time for another ruler to rise…

Have you also played interesting runs (either for good or for bad) of Crusader Kings? If so we would love to hear from you. Just try not to put me in too much shame 😉

 

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